So shout to @polypages on Tik Tok for explaining this term and signs to look out for. This is my first time encountering this term. It basically means that a monogamous person is dating a poly person and think if they love them enough they will flip said poly person. Basically “lassoing” the person so they can keep them to themselves. Now is it possible for someone who is polyamorous to no longer have interest in that relationship dynamic.
Here is where the issue comes in with a monogamous person doing this. You are starting off you’re relationship with deceitful motives. The thing that we all expect from our partners no matter the dynamic is honesty. Don’t date someone only to make plans to change them. If THEY want to be exclusive with you they will choice to. Love is and can be just that powerful when its true.
Also you risk the possibility that the poly person wanting to revert back to poly relationship dynamics. So you gotta ask yourself: why the mental gymnastics ? Is it worth the risk of reverting someone’s nature for the sake of social normality ? I would venture to ask this: Why do you care what other people think ? Also there are plenty of relationship dynamics where the monogamous person supported the polyamorous person. True love to me is about allowing a person to grow naturally and not manipulate their choices.
For my poly folks out there here are some red flags to watch for when dating a monogamous person if you choice to:
- They will become withdrawn or punish you for sharing details regarding your other relationships.
- They will talk about the future as if it is just you two together and nobody else such as a monogamous marriage
- They will make it difficult for you to plan other dates with your other partners or potential partners
- They take no interest in the relationship structure or even polyamory as a whole. Lack of doing their own research is a major indicator.
- They don’t tell anyone that you are polyamorous and leave the burden on you to tell their family and friends (my ex did this)
This why I personally don’t bother at all after my ex. I personal think it a recipe for disaster but thanks to my mutual’s insight on this I can watch for the red flags.
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