How We Got Here

I never minded my husband having female friends. I was never that type of woman. However there was one woman who was CLEARLY jealous of my existence. She disliked me to a point of saying that I was easy to be with because we lived together. I officially hated this one female friend at that point. I told him to stop associating with her and he promised me he would.

One night my husband went out with said female friend and lied about it. He claimed he went out with co-workers. Now I knew my husband was lying but I needed proof. I went through his phone and sure enough, mountains of evidence. I was livid but decided to give him yet another chance to be straightforward about his whereabouts.

When I woke up that Saturday morning I decided to be spontaneous. We had always wanted to do some food exploring in Flushing, Queens. At the time we had a car. So I got dressed up and told my husband the plan. He was super down but I had a side plan of my own. I wanted to see if he would continue to lie to me. The woman he decided to say forever to. How many lies would he tell ? Why was he doing this ?

We parked and headed off to our various destinations. We had a blast however I was on a side mission of my own. Every other location we would head to I would ask him certain thing about the night before. Most of his answers were either very board with no details or just ” Don’t remember. Look at this.” By the time we got home I was feed up. He lied to me the entire day.

The day we went to Flushing, Queens

We just finished eating the last of our food conquest and I couldn’t hold it in. I explained that I went through his phone but I didn’t want to believe he would lie. That the point of today was to see if he would continue to lie. “I knew you were lying to me since sun up. You were out with her.” His entire demeanor deflated. ” Your right. I am lying. I’m so sorry.” I went on to say that what hurt me was the lie, not that he spent time with her. Sure I wasn’t happy about him hanging out with her but it felt like he was protecting her and didn’t love me as much as I though. What I can tell you is that his apology was sincere.

He told me it would take time but that he would stop being friends with her. This was a big trust moment for us but we had to start somewhere. They had been in each others lives for over ten years. Told from that perspective I was able to be compassionate and let him go through his process of letting go of her. Eventually he did let her go completely. Maybe if we were polyamorous then I would have talked to her instead of dismiss her entirely. I actually in an odd way understand her. When my ex broke things off with me I was devastated too. Guess we are more alike then I realized until now.

Shortly after that I had my time with my theater buddy. This is when I realized monogamy wasn’t just a problem for him but me too. I started looking into polyamory and realized that this was worth a shot. I didn’t want a divorce, we still loved each other deeply even with all that happened. Now were here having social events with like minded people.

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