Before my big time ex in 2019 and the world wasn’t at a stand still, I use to participate in improv theater. By then I was married and we were trying to give monogamy a real shot. This was a super fun and special time in my life. I was considering comedy/acting so I was super active. I met a guy there. He was one of the few black people to be in the space so naturally we would always talk.

One day he offered to walk to the train station with me since we happen to be going the same way. He mentioned the fact he knew sign language and at the time I was considering learning. He offered his service and the next thing I know as we were texting about finalizing our study session, he started flirting more than normal. I thought it was all a joke until I got to said study session and one thing lead to another.

He ended up confessing that he was fighting his feelings for me for awhile and he knew I was married and didn’t care. Of course I told my husband all this but I told him that I was determined to really be monogamous but I knew deep down that I had feelings for my theater buddy too. When I tell you fighting it was so hard based mainly on the fact that we bonded over things my husband and I didn’t.

I asked one of my best friends what I should do and naturally she said try harder basically. I admitted that I was gonna see my theater buddy one more time and end things. I purposely went fully loaded drunk so I wouldn’t feel so terrible. After everything happened the details are slightly fuzzy but he called me the next day and told me he couldn’t emotionally deal with the situation because I wasn’t ready.

I wish I was bold then. He really was the perfect boyfriend but that wasn’t the case. Maybe I should see if he’s around the theater these days. I know its been a long time but I think we can keep things cordial. Maybe more but my luck has been garbage so maybe not. Long story short, I miss him and wish I was the person I am now when I met him.