It takes a lot of bravery and courage to go against the grain of society normative behavior. At a young age I knew that monogamy didn’t seem to fit who I was. Just like being gay and in the closet, I didn’t tell anyone until a few years ago that I was polyamorous.
Now here is the issue I have with this new wave of people coming out as ethically non-monogamous or polyamorous. Some see it as some passing trend or something to experiment with. I am here to tell you like I admittedly stated on my Tik Tok page that polyamory nor any ENM is not a trend or a phase. These are people’s real emotions and feelings that your dealing with and to take them lightly makes you….well….a jerk.
For me being polyamorous is just like being gay. Coming from a Christian background caused me to turn myself inside out to try to fit in this monogamist box. I hated myself when I was constantly failing relationship after relationship. I never meant to hurt anyone but at the time it was so hard for me to articulate my needs without being labeled all these horrible names. Being perceived as promiscuous , slut, whore and everything thing else to shame a women for her sexuality. However I learned that just because people project a idea of who I am doesn’t make it true. As I always say assumption is the worse human trait because its based on opinions and not the truth.
So how do you know if your polyamorous ? Ask yourself the following:
- Am I ok with being with one person for at least 3-7 decades ?
- If I constantly cheat on my significant other while in a monogamous relationship is it because I need to work on me or did I find this other person just as interesting as my significant other ?
- Would I be ok sharing my partner in anyway if I am also exploring relationships with other people ?
- What does a long term relationship look like to me based on what will make me happy ?
Now can someone who is monogamous decided they want to try ENM relationships. Sure however let me reiterate again that this is not some trend to try or something to experiment with. This is not fuck buddies, friends with benefits and any other monogamous term used to lessen the significance of said connection. No matter the boundaries, poly relationships and ENM relationships should be taken just as seriously as monogamous ones.
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