I lost my virginity at 19 years old but this is not that story but maybe another day. I lived in Upstate NY but had family in the city. I was 16 and I had my first boyfriend so obviously I was in love. We met that summer at a local city pool. At the time tech was not as amazing as it is now. So we would write letters and when permitted I would visit him in the city whenever I could.
The school year started and I spent half of my school days at vocational school. My friend from a different school soon introduced me to his best friend who decided to enroll that year. It was a instant connection from the start.
Obviously the guilt of it all immediately weighed on me. ” I can’t like this guy. I’m someone’s girlfriend. I technically belong to someone else” When I said this to myself, that feeling of “belonging to someone” was not the positive feeling I anticipated having, especially since I convinced myself that my puppy love had to be true love.
Then I asked myself did I really love my boyfriend. In my mind. At the time the answer was yes. I loved the guy I was with very much but I liked the guy who lived closer to me for different reasons. This was the first hint for me that monogamy was not as cut and dry as society made it out to be.
Later on I made what I thought was the logical and proper decision and dumped my city boyfriend, not because of anything he did wrong but the monogamist pressure of not being able to date multiple people at once. Nothing hurt my feelings more then breaking a heart that didn’t deserve it.
Currently, that ex-city boyfriend of mine talk from time to time and he is polyamorous as well. Funny how things turn out that way.
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